Deciding to have counselling can feel like a big enough step in itself. Then you start looking for a therapist and discover hundreds of profiles, different qualifications, therapeutic approaches and areas of specialism.
How are you supposed to know who is right for you?
There isn’t one type of therapist who is right for everyone. Someone can be highly qualified and experienced and still not feel like the right person for you. Equally, the therapist whose profile immediately catches your attention may not necessarily have the experience you need.
Choosing a therapist is usually about finding a balance between appropriate training and experience, practical considerations and something much harder to measure: whether you feel you could build a trusting relationship with that person.
How do I know what kind of therapist I need?
You don’t necessarily need to know before you begin.
People often contact us saying they have been researching CBT, psychodynamic therapy, person-centred counselling or EMDR because they are trying to work out which approach they need. Sometimes a particular form of therapy is important, but often it isn’t the best place to start.
It can be more helpful to think about what is bringing you to counselling and what you would like to be different.
Perhaps you are struggling with anxiety or low mood. You may be grieving, experiencing difficulties within a relationship, trying to understand patterns that keep repeating, or going through a period when life simply feels overwhelming.
A good therapist will be able to explain how they work and why their approach might be helpful for what you are experiencing. You don’t need to become an expert in different types of therapy before you are allowed to ask for help.
Do I need a therapist who specialises in my particular problem?
Sometimes.
Many experienced counsellors work with a broad range of emotional and relationship difficulties. For concerns such as anxiety, low mood, bereavement, stress, self-esteem or life changes, you may have a fairly wide choice of therapists.
There are other difficulties where more specialist knowledge and training can be important.
For example, someone seeking help with OCD may benefit from a therapist with specific training and experience in OCD and approaches such as CBT with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Someone seeking psychosexual therapy, trauma therapy, support following sexual betrayal, or help with compulsive sexual or pornography use may also want to look for a therapist with relevant additional training and clinical experience.
If you’re unsure whether you need a specialist, ask. A reputable therapist or counselling service should be comfortable telling you if your needs fall outside their area of experience.
What qualifications should I look for in a therapist?
The terminology around counselling and psychotherapy can be confusing, particularly because you may come across counsellors, psychotherapists, psychologists and people describing themselves simply as therapists.
In the UK, one useful starting point is to look at the therapist’s professional training and whether they are registered with an established professional body, such as the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) or another relevant professional organisation.
You can also look beyond the letters after someone’s name.
If you are seeking help with something specific, ask what experience they have of working with that issue, whether they have undertaken additional training and how frequently they work with people experiencing similar difficulties.
Qualifications matter, but they are only one part of choosing someone.
Does the therapist’s age or gender matter?
It can, but there isn’t a right answer.
Some people know immediately that they would feel more comfortable with a male or female therapist. Others have a preference for someone older, younger, or closer to their own age. Some deliberately choose someone different from the type of person they would normally talk to.
You don’t need to justify that preference.
Therapy involves talking about things that may feel very personal, so feeling sufficiently comfortable to speak openly matters. At the same time, it can be worth remaining curious about your assumptions. Occasionally the therapist you initially thought wouldn’t be right for you turns out to be someone with whom you develop a very strong therapeutic relationship.
Is it better to choose someone similar to me?
Not necessarily.
You may feel that someone who shares aspects of your culture, background, sexuality, neurodivergence, faith or life experience will understand something important about you without you having to explain it.
For other people, similarity is less important than finding someone who is genuinely curious, open and able to understand their world without making assumptions.
The important question isn’t really “Is this person like me?” but “Do I feel that this person is trying to understand me?”
How important is the relationship with your therapist?
Very.
Therapy isn’t simply something a therapist does to you. Much of the work happens through the relationship you develop together.
That doesn’t mean you need to instantly like your therapist or feel completely comfortable from the first few minutes. Beginning therapy can feel strange, particularly if you aren’t used to talking openly about yourself.
But over time you should feel that your therapist listens to you, takes you seriously and is interested in understanding your experience rather than fitting you into a particular theory.
You should also be able to disagree with them.
A strong therapeutic relationship isn’t one where the therapist always gets everything right. It is one where misunderstandings, differences and difficult conversations can be talked about safely.
What should I ask a therapist before starting counselling?
You don’t need to interview your therapist, but it is perfectly reasonable to ask questions.
You might want to know about their experience of the issue you are bringing, how they tend to work, whether sessions are weekly, how long a session lasts, and what their fees and cancellation arrangements are.
If you have had counselling before, you can also tell them what you found helpful, or unhelpful, previously.
For more specialist difficulties, you might ask directly:
“How much experience do you have working with this?”
A therapist should be able to answer that without being defensive or making unrealistic promises about what they can achieve.
Should I choose online or face-to-face counselling?
Both can work well, so this may come down to what allows you to engage most fully with therapy.
Some people value physically leaving home or work and having a separate space in which to think. Others find online counselling easier to fit around work, childcare, disability or travel, and appreciate being able to speak from their own home.
You may also have a wider choice of specialist therapists if you are willing to work online rather than restricting your search to your immediate area.
Think about where you are most likely to have privacy, feel comfortable speaking openly and attend consistently.
How should the first therapy session feel?
The first session is partly about your therapist beginning to understand what has brought you to counselling, but it is also your opportunity to get a feel for them.
You might feel nervous. You might leave feeling emotional. You might even wonder what on earth you are supposed to talk about next week. None of those things automatically means you have chosen the wrong therapist.
Instead, consider how you felt with the therapist.
Did you feel listened to?
Did they seem interested in understanding you?
Could you imagine telling them something you find difficult to talk about?
Did you feel judged, rushed or repeatedly misunderstood?
Did their way of working make sense to you?
You don’t necessarily need to feel an immediate connection, but there should usually be enough there to make you interested in coming back.
How long should I give a new therapist?
There isn’t a fixed number of sessions.
Sometimes people know after one meeting that the therapist isn’t right for them. At other times it takes several sessions before the relationship begins to feel more natural.
It can be worth distinguishing between therapy feeling uncomfortable because you are beginning to talk about difficult things and feeling uncomfortable because something about the therapeutic relationship doesn’t feel right.
If you’re unsure, talking to your therapist about it can itself be useful. You might say that you’re not sure whether the approach is working for you or that something in the sessions isn’t quite landing.
How they respond to that conversation may tell you quite a lot.
What if I don’t feel comfortable with my therapist?
You are allowed to change therapist.
People sometimes stay in counselling that doesn’t feel right because they are worried about hurting the therapist’s feelings, appearing difficult, or having to start again with someone new.
You are not committing to a therapist for life because you attended an initial session.
Where possible, it can be valuable to tell your therapist what isn’t working rather than disappearing, particularly if you have already been working together for some time. Sometimes a conversation about what feels wrong can lead to important therapeutic work.
But ultimately, you are entitled to decide that someone isn’t the right fit.
Should a therapist give me advice?
Usually, therapy is rather different from asking a friend what they think you should do.
A therapist may help you look at options, recognise patterns, understand your emotional responses and consider what you want. Depending on their approach, they may also offer information, strategies or practical tools.
What they shouldn’t generally be doing is taking over important decisions in your life or repeatedly telling you what they believe you should do.
Good therapy should gradually help you understand and trust yourself more, rather than becoming dependent upon the therapist to provide the answers.
What are the red flags when choosing a therapist?
Trust your instincts if something feels significantly wrong.
Be cautious if a therapist makes unrealistic guarantees, claims they can cure you within a particular number of sessions, behaves as though their approach is the only legitimate form of therapy, dismisses your concerns, repeatedly talks about themselves, or seems unwilling to answer reasonable questions about their qualifications or experience.
Professional boundaries matter too. You should understand the arrangements around confidentiality, contact outside sessions, fees and cancellations.
Therapy can sometimes be challenging, but you should still be treated with respect.
What matters most when choosing a therapist?
There probably isn’t one single thing.
Look for someone who is appropriately qualified and has the experience necessary for what you are bringing. Consider whether their location, availability, and fees make regular therapy realistic for you.
Then pay attention to the relationship.
You don’t have to find the perfect therapist. You are looking for someone with whom you feel sufficiently safe, understood, and able to be honest, including when the things you need to talk about are difficult, uncomfortable, or don’t make complete sense yet.
And if you don’t know exactly what kind of therapist you need, that’s okay too.
At Cherry Tree Therapy Centre, we don’t expect you to work that out before contacting us. We can talk with you briefly about what is bringing you to counselling and suggest therapists whose experience, approach and availability may be a good match.
The final choice is always yours.
You don’t have to work it out on your own.
If you’re unsure what kind of therapist you need, contact us by completing the form below or book a call, and we’ll help you explore the options and find someone who feels right for you.